“It’s not you, it’s me. I can’t handle your annoying facebook updates.”
I want to live in a world where ice cream has zero calories.
Online dating site creep me out…
Marathons don’t entice me when you have to worry about pooping yourself… @jamaistort
“Does running to the froyo truck count as exercising? If so, I’m an Olympian.”
“Someone clapped as I ran by today, turns out it was just my thighs.”
“If you watch Toddlers and Tiaras, I’m afraid we can’t be friends.”
“Eating 10 donuts is equal to getting a runner’s high but with less sweating.”
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening what did you say?”
I’d like to speak to your manager…
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